Christmas is a special time full of traditions and happy anticipation about being together with people we love, presents and delicious food. But this year we all know that our Christmases (and all our festivals) will be different and everybody has to weigh up the risks and benefits of spending time with loved ones, some of whom may be older people and people living with dementia. The Alzheimer's Society are celebrating Elf Year on 4 December, you can dress up as an Elf and take part in a their virtual Elf Day celebration to help support the society!
Older people are more at risk of serious illness if they catch covid, but nevertheless they may feel this is outweighed by other factors, including their own mental health, so they and their family may choose to go ahead with a family gathering. Living with dementia usually means a person has heightened needs for connection with people they love, which is what Christmas is about for most of us.
Memories
People living with dementia often have very good long-term but very poor short-term memories. Of course every person with dementia is different, as each will have their own history and personality which interact with the way their condition is progressing. If the person has very early dementia they will be able to join in as usual, perhaps with occasional mix-ups about recent events and names of people they don’t know so well. In later stages of dementia the person may feel quite disorientated and not really understand what is going on and why. This might make them feel quite anxious, especially if they are not in their own familiar home environment. If you know this is the case, a couple of people ‘popping in’, say with treats and crackers, might be a better option.
People with a good long term memory are experts when it comes to recalling traditional ways of doing things and past events, which means that at Christmas they are able to shine. Reminiscing is usually fun for everyone, especially when it’s a family get together and people share a long history. A person with dementia might like a present which plays to this strength, for example a photobook made up of scanned family photos, with names of the people present and perhaps a little story by some photos to prompt conversations. It is possible to get a jigsaw made from an old photo too. In this case not having too many pieces would be better, so people don’t lose focus (this may apply to everyone).
Support at Christmas
Living with dementia is tiring for the person affected and for those closest to them, particularly a family carer. A Christmas get-together is a chance for the family as a whole to support both. The person with dementia can be encouraged and supported to contribute as much as they feel comfortable with. Traditional skills like peeling potatoes tend not to be forgotten and working with other people is cheering, in the meantime the carer might like to put their feet up while they have the chance.
How can we help?
If there is a traditional meal and pattern of events this would be reassuring. But there are many more things we can do to make Christmas day run more smoothly when sharing the day with someone with dementia.
To make someone feel loved, we can: Show our feelings in our expressions and tone of voice. Give hugs if they enjoy them. Listen to what they say and respond positively. Sit them next to people they relate to best. Encourage small children to talk and play with them. Make sure to include them when offering treats. It is best to show the treats as well as saying what they are.
To make them feel safe, we can: Gently remind them where they are (the home might look different with decorations everywhere!) Make sure they know where the toilet is – ideally sit them so they can see it. Tell them about the plan, eg ‘after dinner we will…. ‘Try to keep things familiar, eg choose an old film to watch together. Lower levels of noise are best, so if children want to play with loud games or need to run around, aim to have a separate space where they can do this.
To make them feel respected: Avoid contradicting them, if they make a mistake, like mixing up one grandchild with another, make light of it, comment on a family likeness. If they repeat themselves, reply as if it’s the first time.
The person with dementia may say (or their behaviour may indicate) that they want to go home earlier than expected: this is common and just reflects the difficulty of being away from their ‘own place’, it’s not about feelings about the people around them. It might be a good idea to have a plan B, (eg a nominated driver) in case this happens. Family members can all be encouraged to imagine how it might feel to live with dementia and so make the effort to be warm and supportive. Even if the person’s part in the day finishes a little early, aiming to convey acceptance rather than frustration will help them feel loved and therefore happy – this should rub off on everyone else too!
Elf Day with The Alzheimer's Society
Depression, Dementia and Delirium: Evidence and Interventions - 20 credit module
The module is designed to meet your needs as health and social care professionals specialising in work with older people.
